The Waiting....A Desert Experience

We beg, we plead, we bargain for God to answer our prayers. Does He really hear? Does He care? It appears there is no water in the desert, like the waiting will never end.

6 years ago.....I waited. There is no heartbeat. It was likely that I would miscarry my first baby. Scores of tests would follow.

2 1/2 years later we brought our little bundle of joy home from the hospital. He would soon have 8 specialists caring for him and undergo a battery of testing and procedures. 3 years we waited.

2 1/2 years later I was told that the tiny baby growing inside of me would not live. Again, I waited.

Why? I begged for answers. I knew God could work, "now"! Why the delay?

These were some of the most difficult times of my life. Loneliness enveloped. Fear gripped. Tears were unpredictable. Emotions wayward. My soul bled.

The uncertainty would require momentous amounts of faith. The waiting seemed endless...on all accounts.

I quickly realized how desperately I needed my Comforter. Circumstances required I lean into Him. He met me, hurting and broken. My soul laid bare as I began to know and experience trust in His Sovereignty. My how Abraham must have felt as he was about to sacrifice his precious son. Faith became a habitual practice as I claimed every scripture I could get my hands on. God knows our need to wander through the desert. Waiting is often our greatest time of growth as we rely on the One who has the answers. It is here that our relationship with our Almighty God becomes intimate.

It is during the drought that our roots begin to grow so fruit can be produced. Oftentimes, the water is right in front of us, we just have to immerse ourselves.

Perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. God calls us to faith, trust, and persevere.

Perhaps these burdens were actually opportunities.

How awesome to know that our precious Lord always has our best interest at heart. His timing is always perfect, never late.

I look back at each experience and see Gods overwhelming faithfulness as He was growing and maturing my walk with Him. He walked alongside me and carried me when I could walk no more. He wiped away every tear that was shed and knew every worry before it surfaced.

I see the growth that has taken place and His soul desire that we lay our hearts at the altar and walk in obedience.

My miscarriage is now a healthy 5 1/2 year old little boy. My "sick" baby is now a healthy 3 yr old, and my baby boy that wasn't supposed to live is an exuberant 9 month old.

The waiting has come to an end. A tender appreciation for those wandering in the desert has arisen. If we could only see that God is loving us more than we could possibly imagine during painful situations, and remember to walk in gratitude as He is molding us into the likeness of His image. If we would just immerse in the water and surrender our hearts, how awesome to know that we are being made mature and complete on this journey headed home.

The Miracle

It was the night before our much anticipated doctors appointment. Weeks ago we were told that it was very possible our son was suffering from a rare syndrome that could seize his life. A syndrome that would cause heart failure and make our precious son a candidate for heart transplantation and extensive medical therapy. We purposely did not research this condition until......the night before our long awaited meeting.

Tears filled our eyes as we read the words that were set before us. Prognosis was poor, getting a young heart donor was a difficult and long process, and the average life span was decreased by 20 percent. These were but a few of the many conditions associated with this syndrome.

The news was overwhelming. We had been hit by a truck. Blind sighted....the information was beginning to sink in. Our lives were about to be changed....forever. We had already been on an emotional roller coaster and now this. My chest was heavy, I couldn't breathe. This is not the life I had envisioned for our son. Why my baby? How come he couldn't keep up with other kids? He is always so tired. I cried, I sobbed uncontrollably. I ran up the stairs and lay in the bed with my precious angel. I put my hand over his heart and cried out to God. I begged, pleaded, and wailed.....God PLEASE heal my baby. Please sow his heart back together. Mend him Lord, you have too. I can't live without him! I don't understand!

I heard footsteps approaching as Ryan entered our little boys room. He lay his hand over his tiny chest and together we mourned. We grieved, overcome with agony.

We left the room and sat on the porch. All was silent. We were left with anguishing thoughts that encompassed our very being. Tears filled both of our eyes.... again. The disparaging news was still sinking in. This was completely beyond our control and there was absolutely nothing we could do except trust God. Austin was after all..... His child.

Exhaustion took over and somehow sleep gave way.

The day had arrived.

We anxiously entered the brightly colored office. Our hearts beat rapidly while thoughts and fears flew wild.

The testing began. I sat beside our precious Austin, his little hand tucked in mine, staring at the images that lay before us. The tears began to well. He had been through so many specialists, tests, and procedures.
Our little man was so brave and such a "tough guy".

The battery of tests continued. We feared the absolute worst. Minutes turned into hours of waiting. What was about to be disclosed would change the course of our lives. NOTHING could have prepared us for what we were about to hear.

"We have repeated his tests and they are normal". "His heart is mildly enlarged", "There is no evidence of any risk factors for Barth syndrome". "I am not concerned, however we will continue to follow him". WHAT??? We repeated his statements over and over not sure if we heard correctly. The cardiac geneticist, unclear as to the urgency of our visit, offered reassurance that our little boy was overall healthy except for an iron deficient anemia. GOD IS AWESOME AND SO VERY FAITHFUL!!!!!

We were overjoyed and dumbfounded. Hurriedly, we walked down the street to our next appointment. Again, minutes turned into hours and hours of waiting. Once more, nothing could have prepared us for what was about to be reported.

Our son was not immunosuppressed. A simple injection would jump start the immune system. Some fine tuning was all that was needed. Again, unsure if we had heard correctly, the information was repeated. Yes, all he needs is an injection. There is no major concern and no need for medical therapy or intervention.

Emotion was rampant. As mommy and daddy looked into each others eyes, we COULD NOT believe that our God had so graciously answered our cries. He is so faithful to His promises and is able to do more than we can ask or imagine. Isn't it just like our our precious Father to give THE BEST mothers day gift? I stood and claimed Jeremiah 29:11....For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future! God is true to his promise. He has given our precious little man hope and a future. There are no words to express our gratitude to our Heavenly Father. As we continue our journey through life, yet I will praise Him!

Thank you is an injustice in expressing our heartfelt gratitude to all of you who have embarked on this journey with us. Those of you who have sent Scripture, meals, words of encouragement, and started prayer chains....we are deeply humbled and so very grateful. May God richly bless each and every one of you.

More blogs to follow

A Sacred Journey

We sat motionless, paralyzed. We stared in disbelief, not sure if we had heard correctly. Our hopes and dreams began to unravel before our very eyes.

Our son had a heart condition that could claim his life.

The days that were to follow would require magnitudes of faith.

Left to contemplate our thoughts over the course of the next week, emotions ran high and tensions steady. One sleepless night turned into another and another. We began to pour every fragment of time into searching scripture, KNOWING and RESTING in God's promises. His peace began to flood our soul and permeate our hearts. I began to realize, to know and understand God's Sovereignty.

I begged and pleaded with God not to take my precious baby home just yet. His life could not be cut short. I had not spent enough time with him or taught him all that he needed to know. I had not spent enough nights tucking him in "as snug as a bug in a rug". As I stared into his big brown eyes and studied his tiny little hands, I wept knowing that God had knitted him together in my womb and He was much more capable than I in safegaurding this precious little angel.

I realized for the first time how much God loves his children. His soul desire is that He would have our hearts and that we would walk in obedience. I was reminded of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego who were about to be thrown into the furnace. They replied, "the God we serve is able to save us from it, but even if He does not, we will not serve your gods". I began to walk in obedience through faith and lay my baby at the altar. Though I do not know the outcome.....I will serve you!

I poured over Scripture and begged God to give me a clear sign. I wanted to know that I was praying His will....His will that my baby not be sick. I was brought to Jeremiah 29:11-13. I began to sob as I read the words on the page. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart". HE WANTS TO GIVE MY BABY A HOPE AND A FUTURE!

As I sit and wait, I rest knowing that God's plans are far superior than mine. My mind cannot even begin to comprehend his supremacy. I am nothing. The only difference between the dirt I stand on and the dirt I hold in my hand is the breath of God! I stand in resolve knowing that He is able to immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us.

Though I do not know the outcome of this journey...Yet I will praise Him!