Saturday, June 5, 2010

When You are Pressed Hard and Squeezed Tight.....

The phone rings. Its the news you have anticipated but are never fully prepared to hear.
Plans are underway, arrangements finalized.
The hurry begins and overwhelms. Only 1 day to pack for the boys, catch up on laundry, make meals, and attend prior engagements. The stench of stress is unbearable. I look into the sweet innocence of little boys faces and remember grace. Unable to leave work early, Ryan will catch a later flight and momma and babies will make this journey. We trudge through the airport, cast on foot, and begin our journey through security which would include a full body scan, bags run multiple times through the xray machine, and test strips across baby bottles. Three little guys in tow, shoes off, bags off, strollers and infant seat up, items removed from bag, items replaced in bag, tickets in hand, we finally arrive at our gate just in time to board.
We soar into the sky, baby screaming, boys squirming, and I beg, plead for His peace.
I am outnumbered and cannot possibly meet every need at once.
I wonder how in the world I can do this alone.

* * *

My precious uncle has been given the gift of eternal life.
I always wonder why death is so scary and elusive.
I stare at the shell of this avid hunter man who now rests in heaven. He was a man who loved the outdoors and realized the vastness of nature our God has so beautifully created.
I ponder... these skins we live in are but a mere pinpoint on the timeline of eternity.
Our lives are really just beginning. We have lived the title page and are just beginning the next chapter.
What am I doing to make a difference in His kingdom?
As we pass from one room and step into another, I am ever thankful for Gods palpable gift of life. I reflect on His grace. I realize my humble existence and marvel that He would surround me with loving family and friends.
How awesome it is to spend eternity with a Holy God where His mystery is unveiled. If we could just see How much our Heavenly Father loves us and longs us to walk the streets of gold with Him.

* * *

We are tired, hurriedly meeting engagements. The boys are tired, no naps, belly's are hungry. The tiny hotel room is stifling. The baby does not sleep. Meltdowns are prevalent. The little 2 become sick. The loads are full and our return flight would be delayed, day after day.
The stress consumes, the tension is palpable.... I swallow hard. The anxiety is intoxicating. My chest hurts. Does anyone else feel the ground shaking beneath? I am squeezed, pressed hard, and I am heartbroken that I have miserably let down. For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Is this what is really in my heart? I see who I want to be...but how does this soul reach its full potential? How does one really make the heart change and get beyond self?
It is through a mindset of gratitude in ALL things....

Gods grace to this undeserving soul

the gift of life

time with my Saviour

His mercies


New days



His patience




the truth of His Word


As we pilot back across four states, I glance out of the window. I am captivated by the landscape. The sky is different hues of blue, the suns rays stretch across the heavens in different shades of pink, orange, and purple. I see God. I see His majestic hand in creation. I see solitude. Peace floods this soul.

holy experience


-t- said...

Thank you. I am thankful you shared this journey.
I, too, ask those very questions and I arrive as you, at His feet.

Tim and Richelle said...

sorry for your loss, thankful for your uncle's eternal joy. thank you, as another has already said, for sharing your journey.

Anonymous said...

Lindsey, This is one of my favorite blogs that you have written so far. You are such a talented writer! : ) It is so neat to see what God is doing in you!


GlowinGirl said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Giving thanks with you for eternal life and God's grace -- and the beautiful view of the sky. Beauty is with us through it all, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Sorry for your loss...thankful for your beautifully written post. I can just imagine the security line at the airport, yet you give me the sense you handled it all with incredible grace. Blessings to you...