I stare into his big blue eyes, those rosy cheeks and pink lips, his gaze never leaves mine. Only space between us, nothing can separate. Nestled in the warm embrace, arms tucked into my chest, he smiles big. He was a great surprise, this boy of mine. Unexpected, an unfathomable gift I wondered, I worried.
As the sun would climb, its brilliant rays stretching the spans of the earth, my 2nd born would frequent a sterile world filled with glaring lights, scan faces unrecognizable, his soft flesh poked and prodded. The loud clammer of machines and monitors, the hum drum of physicians and nurses.....this was the life he knew.
How could we be crowned with another gift? How would we pour ourselves into another precious baby? Would he live? Would he present with the same ailments as big brother? Worries that welled deep within. And so it was, we would open our hearts...... again.
Sickness enveloped, nearly claimed this being as I lay helpless, IV's infusing, my veins begging for hydration, my heart longing to be mommy and wife. That little green hospital room familiar, so familiar it became home to me on that day.... the day of little ones 2nd birthday. My soul was tested, my heart ached. I longed for birthday boy's embrace and to celebrate the miracle of his life....his life he was so laboriously fighting for. The tears flooded my face and soul. How God, is any good going to come of this? I desperately yearned to be home with my babies and be the wife I knew my husband needed. Oh if I could have seen in my desperation the work God was doing.
Yes, these boys would be just fine as they watched Daddy work and cook, and do laundry, and be mommy and take care of mommy. These boys would experience the pressure doing its work. This man of mine, fearlessly leading the bunch, would open his tender heart and a blueprint for keeping the fragile hearts of these all- too- soon - to - be men would be birthed.
Why is it so hard to accept God's gifts so freely and unreservedly? The veil covers my eyes and I see through my lens instead of His. Lord I want to see. I want to see the sacred in the everyday. I want to freely accept His unforced gifts and walk in gratitude for all He has blessed this undeserving heart. And so, I have embarked on a journey of gratitude.......
3 healthy little boys
my husband's walk with our Lord
prayers of my little boys
days full of sunshine
wind chimes chiming
family devotions around the table
smiles from my blue eyed baby
smell of fresh baked cookies
innocence of children
I look over, his eyes meet mine, and laughter overtakes him. Oh what joy God has lavished on this momma.
I sit and rock this blue eyed wonder boy of mine, I am humbled that God would so graciously entrust this broken girl to a lifetime of love fulfilling, His love fulfilling.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.
1 John 3:1